I once worked with a public sector leader who understood in theory that having people around her would help her with her career change.
But when it came time to actually reach out to someone to say ‘I need help’, she froze.
“What if they think I’m weak for not being able to figure this out by myself? What if they judge me? “
It was about managing perceptions. Her own self-image, and the way others might see her.
Asking for help went against everything she’d learned.
These aren’t irrational fears. They’re real concerns.
In becoming a leader, she’d learned:
- To not burden others with problems.
- To Project competence.
- To “be professional”.
- And that “showing vulnerability counts against me”.
Notice the pattern? The assumptions? And judgments?
Let’s talk about that – and the gap between knowing you need support and actually asking for it.
Why is Vulnerability Difficult For Public Sector Leaders?
If you’ve spent most of your career in the public sector, you’ve learned to:
- Solve problems and have answers
- Be independent and reliable
- Be resilient, and manage your stress internally
- Take care of others, not ask others to take care of you
This way of operating serves you well in many contexts. It’s what many believe helped them built a successful career.
But it can also create a particular kind of trap when you’re facing a major life transition, whether by choice or you’re forced to.
Because suddenly, you’re in unfamiliar territory: you don’t have all the answers. And asking for help feels like you’re going against everything you’ve learned.
The Inner Voices
When my client thought about reaching out to build her support team, here’s what happened.
Her inner voices got loud.
“I don’t know anyone I could ask.” – Translation: “The people I know might not respect me if they knew I was struggling.”
“They’ll judge me.” – Translation: “Career change means I’m admitting the path I chose wasn’t right. That feels like failure.”
These voices aren’t lying to you.
They’re trying to protect you. To keep you safe from disappointment, judgment, shame, and rejection.
But in doing so, they’re also keeping you stuck.
What Actually Happens When You’re Vulnerable
Let me tell you what I’ve seen happen when leaders actually take the step and ask someone to be on their support team.
The other person doesn’t judge them. They usually get curious. They respect the courage it took to ask.
They don’t disappear. They step up. And if they don’t, you know they weren’t the right person to be on your support team.
One client told me this:
“I finally told my mentor I was thinking about leaving. I’d been terrified she’d think I was ungrateful or that I’d wasted the time she’d investing in me. But she said, ‘This is exactly what I’ve been hoping for you. I’m in.’”
People who care about you don’t want to see you struggle alone because you are too proud to ask for help. They want to help you. Or that you get the help you need from someone else if they are not the right person themselves.
I’d like to invite you to think about it like this:
In your public sector work, you’re used to managing risk on behalf of others. You protect people and society.
When you take agency for your career and life, you’ll manage risk on behalf of yourself.
One of the smartest risk management strategies
you can use is building a support team.
That’s strategic. And when you build it based on collaboration, it’s an intelligent way to move forward.
In my 5-month ‘Find Your Career Space’ programme, I help my clients build such a support team for their career transition.
An Invitation For This Week
If the idea of reaching out still feels overwhelming now, I invite you to start here:
Think of one person. Someone you trust, someone you respect, someone who’s made a significant change in their life.
What did they do when they faced uncertainty?
What Comes Next
In the next episode, I’m going to show you what the six roles on your support team look like.
But first, I want you to sit with this:
The vulnerability you’re afraid of?
That’s actually the thing that creates real connection.
Until next time: make space, rediscover YOU, and then take action.